Reviewer Skewer Why would you send somebody out to review a
Moroccan/Mediterranean restaurant who...
1. Thinks olives = EVIL (stop me if I’m wrong, but aren’t olives THE building block of these two cultures?)
2. Is not willing to try a food based on the condition that it looks "yuckers."
3. Makes a face at the use of balsamic vinegar as a taste counter point to strawberries.
Although Cous Cous misses her benchmark of a bar that she could do Yeager shots in she does manage to rally around the cheese covered pasta dish, getting carded in her mid-twenties and the comparative cuteness of her and her sister. Give me a break, my cat is older than her sister and my 11-year-old son would do shots of balsamic vinegar with a squid kicker any day.
A diverse pallet and a knowledge of food would go a long way for a restaurant reviewer...don’t you think?
- Victoria
Okay, we probably need to clear a few things up. And since you seem fond of numbered lists, I shall respond in kind.
1. We did not send anybody out to review anything. We’ve tried sending people out to do things but they never listen. Or they do listen but don’t care. Either way, I have yet to see one of them come back with a Turkey Reuben and a side of potato salad.
2. Technically, the building blocks of a culture are those things which move an economy forward. By that definition, the building blocks of Morocco are mined phosphates, tourism and cannabis. As far as the Mediterranean goes, everyone knows that the area would be nothing without Vespas, parmesan cheese and George Clooney.
3. Avoiding a food because it looks "yuckers" is precisely the kind of evolutionary safeguard that kept humankind from going extinct. Without it, we’d all be munching on disease-ridden road kill, poisonous toads and olive loaf.
4. I think you meant to say "Jäger" shots, not "Yeager." There’s a big difference. "Jäger" is short for Jägermeister, a strong German liquor made with a blend of 56 herbs. "Yeager" shots are named for American test pilot Chuck Yeager and involve tequila. In order to do a Yeager shot, you have to lick salt from your forearm, suck a lime wedge, knock back the liquor and then use an experimental aircraft to break the sound barrier.
5. How do we know that your cat is older than her sister? Are we supposed to take your word for it? How do we know you’re not one of those people who only pretend to have a cat? It happens more often than you think. They’ll be like, "I have the CUTEST cat." And then I’m like, "Oh, can I see him?" Then they go, "Oh, he’s out right now." And I say, "Where’d he go? To the store?" And then they get all nervous and say, "Uh…yeah." So before you go making claims about your cat, you have to prove you have a cat. And don’t try to pull a fast one on us either because the mail room guy down the hall is also a Cat Whisperer.
6. A diverse palette and a knowledge of food does go a long way, but not half as far as a pair of stretchy pants and a corporate credit card.
Wee TeeVee I recently read that Richmond just got a new cable channel made for babies. I don’t have any kids (or a girlfriend) yet, but I might get my act together quicker if this channel is worth checking out. Have you seen it yet? If so, what do you think?
- Todd
It’s called BabyFirst TV. It is designed to provide educational and learning opportunities for children under three. We were a little skeptical at first but decided it was worth investigating further. After scouring the website, we discovered a program schedule with a few gems that sound like winners to us. But ultimately you and your future girlfriend will have to decide for yourselves.
The Jingling Keys Show - A full hour dedicated to dangling bunches of shiny keys. You name it and this show will jingle it: house keys, car keys, boat keys, office keys and even those keys you still carry around even though you don’t know what they unlock.
America’s Funniest Poopy Faces - A hilarious half-hour of grimaces and grunts that will have your little one laughing so hard that they will…well, you know.
So You’ve Lost Your Umbilical Stump - This award-winning special (hosted by Morgan Freeman) helps your young one cope with the loss of their dry and shriveled umbilical cord. Babies are guided through what can be a difficult time with straightforward medical advice, insightful storytelling and original songs by Rascal Flatts.
Cribs - A fascinating reality show that shows your children how to envy the material possessions and poor taste of others. Every week, viewers are treated to guided tours of the luxury cribs of today’s wealthiest infants. Highlights include the crib equipped with four flat-panel HD TVs, one with a bling-encrusted solid gold mobile and another with a built in basketball court/bowling alley/changing table.
What Diaper Not to Wear - While the hosts can sometimes sound cruel ("Those Huggies make your ass look like a garbage bag full of busted pumpkins!"), the advice they give to fashion-challenged tots can be enlightening and genuinely helpful ("Ask your parents to wrap your bottom once with duct tape to reduce unsightly bunching.")
Deal or No Deal - Helps teach infants early that it’s much better to grow up and make a decent living than to publicly embarrass yourself (and your loved ones) by groveling for money, barking lame catchphrases and dancing around like a trained monkey. Four-month-olds are also mesmerized by Howie Mandel’s shaved head.
True Stories of Love Gone Wrong In honor of Valentine’s Day, we asked some folks to share their tales of romantic woe...
