DVD | THE RAPE OF EUROPA
Richard Berge/Bonni Cohen/Nicole Newnham Menemsha Films
You know what I love more than documentaries? Documentaries about Nazis and their super-secret Nazi treasures! Especially if it involves rock-jawed Allies heroically recovering said treasures, kicking massive amounts of metaphorical Kraut ass along the way. This doc is filled with great stories and stunning archival footage, shining a light on true tales that are just as gripping as any other from the period. And while its implicit hypothesis is hard to take seriously, it does shed much light on Hitler’s obsession with art and its influence on his military strategy. This is gripping, gripping stuff.

CD | FORTH
The Verve / RED / Megaforce
It’s always a damn shame to see your childhood heroes sink into middle-age irrelevancy. While I realistically didn’t expect much from the Verve’s much-ballyhooed reunion album, a tiny part of me was hoping that Ashcroft and McCabe would return to the thundering, searing noise-fests that gave their first two drug-fueled LPs such glorious majesty. Instead, the faithful are presented with psychedlia-lite with neither substance nor heft. Sigh.

CD | TAKE ME TO THE SEA
Jaguar Love / Matador
Have you ever wondered what a tone deaf, Ritalin-addled prepubescent 13 year-old would sound like, if said child was inclined to start a directionless, half-assed art punk band? Well, here you go. It’s been a while since my ears and my sensibilities have been raped this hard, leaving me feeling dirty, violated and in severe need of a shower.

DVD | SAMURAI CHICKS / JAPANESE HELL / CURSED
Tokyo Shock Horror Pack Triple Feature / Tokyo Shock
Who needs Tarantino’s Grindhouse? God bless the Japanese and their unknowable absurdity. Separately, these three flicks aren’t worth the entrance fee; however, they’re an instant bonanza of SUPER TURBO COOL VALUE CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION when packaged together. Samurai Chicks is the real gem here; the middle of the movie drags like the elephant man’s balls, but the first and last third are drenched in gloriously absurd amounts of low-budget violence. It’s definitely worth $25.00.

DVD | WHERE IN THE WORLD IS OSAMA BIN LADEN?
Morgan Spurlock / The Weinstein Company
IN MY PANTS, BITCH. That answer is just as useful and enlightening as the tripe that Spurlock is serving in this pseudo-doc. It’s hard to take this guy seriously, especially when he humped his way to the fame-train by stuffing his mouth with raw pig fat and distended entrails. At best, this disingenuous little turd simplifies a terribly complex gestalt into feel-good, self-important platitudes; at worst, the film seems like a thinly-veiled insult to the soldiers and reporters in the field RIGHT NOW. Fuck this douche.