BOOK

ANATHEM
Neal Stephenson / William Morrow
Jesus. To be quite frank, I only made it through about 300 pages in this 1,000 page beast before using it to severely beat a small child about the head, swearing a blood oath to hunt down Stephenson and go all Jihad on his ass. Look dude, just because you handwrite absurdly long novels with poor plotting, pacing and characterization doesn’t mean that they’ll magically turn into cohesive works when you send ‘em to press. Do us all a favor and stay the fuck away from a pen, okay buddy?


BOOK

INDIGNATION
Phillip Roth / Houghton Miffin
Luckily, Roth has moved beyond his literary obsession with Zuckerman’s penis, to refocus all his energies on the penis of one Marcus Messner. I haven’t seen this much literary peen-brandishing since Pynchon flailed his rosy club about in Gravity’s Rainbow. This is a great novel for folks who enjoy the thought of being bludgeoned to death by Roth’s Jewish Hammer.


BOOK

THE BOOK OF MURDER
Guillermo Martinez / Viking Adult
What do you get when you combine a fairly ho-hum crime thriller with half-assed high-falutin’ literary games played by a sub-standard Argentinean writer desperately trying to conjure the ghost of Borges? Answer: A waste of good paper, more appropriate for kindling than anything else. It could make for a good bathroom read, if only because you’ll have something with which to wipe your ass afterwards.


DVD

NORIKO’S DINNER TABLE
Sion Sono / Tidepoint
Step into the looking glass folks—it’s time to take a good, long look into the shattered remains of the Japanese national psyche, laid bare for all to point and gawk and giggle at like little boys poking a particularly fetid corpse with a stick. This strange little family drama cum avant garde splatterfest may be difficult to watch, but it’s even more difficult to turn away.


DVD

SALO, OR THE 120 DAYS OF SODOM
Pier Paolo Pasolini / Criterion
And of course, we must leave it to the West to produce a film for people who enjoy watching other people swallow shit. If you can imagine David Lynch reaming Max Hardcore whilst reciting some choice poems by Ezra Pound, you’d still be a few feet shy of grasping this film’s measured take on depravity. Is it art? Is it porn? Whatever it is, you definitely do not want to watch this with your parents. AWW-KWARD.


CD

LOYALTY TO LOYALTY
Cold War Kids / Downtown
Those wild and crazy Cold War Kids have somehow proven to be excruciatingly awful whilst maintaining a shiny veneer of sheer mediocrity. It’s almost an impressive feat, considering that the singer sounds as if a particularly inept crackwhore is nipping at his balls and that these so-called “songs” are just one poorly sung Karaoke session away from being classified as inhumane torture according to the Geneva Convention.


CD

THE HAWK IS HOWLING
Mogwai / Matador
“Thank You Space Expert.” “I’m Jim Morrison, I’m Dead.” “I Love You, I’m Going To Blow Up Your School.” These song titles prove one thing: even when Glasgow’s most drunken sons are no longer trying, they’re still leagues ahead of their stale, boring post-rock peers. Try and get your hands on the Japanese import, if only because “Stupid Prick Gets Chased by the Police and Loses His Slut Girlfriend” just might be the greatest exclusive bonus track EVER.


CD

RADIO RETALIATION
Thievery Corporation / 18th St. Records
There is something deliciously ironic about a “political album” released by a jetsetting Eurotrash duo who implicatively endorses an unspoken class structure between the haves and the have-nots. I’m sure that the poor and the downtrodden appreciate their efforts to help their plight as the two romp about Ibiza peddling their very peculiar brand of half-assed down-tempo lounge music. I’ll be sure to give them a bit more credit once they let homeless folks into 18th St.


DVD

DEATH NOTE
Shusuke Kaneko / Viz Video
Have you ever heard of the marketing juggernaut that is Death Note? If not, it probably means you’re not Asian. The Southeastern Pacific region loves this series like the French loves surrendering, for reasons that are beyond the ken of mere mortal men. Is it the effeminate pretty boy actors? The ludicrously Goth overtones? The ridiculously bad acting and pacing? Who knows? This is a great movie for coprophiliacs and anyone else who enjoys regularly swallowing shit.