Somebody over 50 has used the Internet! It’s amazing, I know. The guys in suits sipping coffee on the dusty, railing-free balcony of The National Theater proudly proclaimed that “Heaven forbid, the music industry is changing!”

No longer are the massive recording companies controlling how bands reach their audiences. Arena-rock tours are on the decline, but thanks to the Internet, lesser-known bands are taking matters into their own hands. They’re self-producing, self-distributing and self-promoting. Even megabands like Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails are giving the proverbial finger to their labels and distributing their music by their own rules. Lord have mercy!

That’s where the National Theater, which has sat cold and dark on the corner of 7th and Broad for the last 18 years, comes in. It’s set to renew Richmond as “the place to play” in Virginia. Young folks swaping MP3s on their phones want to see their favorite band, and bands want an intimate environment in which to interact with their fervent fans.

A 2,000-person venue may not seem very intimate, but with a 42-foot wide front apron and a gently-sloped main floor, every spot in the house promises to be good. Assuming, that is, that every seat in the house sells.

The list of bands slated to play this “new hub of Richmond entertainment” leaves something to be desired: Puddle of Mudd? Blind Melon? The Neville Brothers? Call me when you get the Flaming Lips or better yet, Clap Your Hands, Say Yeah! The people who book shows for the NorVa are turning their attentions to The National and they’re taking what worked for them in Norfolk and applying it here.

The architects took turns touting the historic building’s new and improved benefi ts. The theater will be a non-smoking facility but will have a large courtyard accessible to those who need a puff. There will be lounges on the upper floors for those who want to avoid the opening acts and 300 cushy seats with cup holders sit in the balcony behind a $5,000 a year VIP section.

The perks aren’t all for the showgoers. The bands will get the royal treatment as well. The green rooms will include full catering morning, noon and night. There are steam showers, saunas and jacuzzi tubs as well as pool tables, arcade games and media centers. On stage, rubber tubes under the floorboards “float” the floor to help produce the best sound possible and an on-stage framework capable of holding 27,000 pounds will accommodate almost any set.

Are the days of dressing room trashings really so far behind us that we trust our rock-and-rollers with such heady treatment? Certainly Willie Nelson (on stage March 18th) would have preferred the Flood Zone treatment of a large, hand-blown glass pipe packed with Virginia’s “finest tobacco.”

As progressive as all these renovations sound and as much as it would be nice to see it succeed, Richmond’s music lovers are used to being snubbed by big name bands passing through to get to other cities. The Canal Club and Toad’s Place have done a fine job hooking bands like They Might Be Giants and Ween, but a little friendly competition never hurt.

The National Theater opens its doors in February 2008 with The Temptations. Start emailing them now with your suggestions for future bookings (http://www.thenationaltheater.com)

Gasp! They even have a “MySpace!”