The world’s biggest drinking party kicks off Saturday in Munich, Germany. For many Richmonders, it’s not a matter of whether or not they’ll celebrate, but a matter of how. If you need some ideas, try some of ours. 

1. Drink in public. The easy way to celebrate Oktoberfest is to find a crowded bar that serves beer in giant mugs. But if you want to celebrate authentically, you should head to Capital Ale House (623 E. Main St.) on Friday and Saturday night. In addition to ample amounts of German brew, your experience will be enhanced by the SGTEV Hirschjager Bavarian folk dancers and authentic Deutschland tunes courtesy of polka masters The Continentals. It’s a medically proven fact that listening to “Zigge Zagge Zigge Zagge Hoi Hoi Hoi” and “The Chicken Dance” can prolong life, fight disease and enhance your sudsy buzz.

2. Go running. Go figure. Some people can’t stop exercising for a minute. If you’re one of those obsessive-compulsive fitness freaks, you’ll want to sign-up for the Oktoberfest 5K Run (http://www.ok5k.org) on October 6th. Tom Lenahan will blow his bagpipes as the race begins at 11am, with a follow-up set at noon. When you’re all done sweating and breathing funny, grab a stool and make yourself comfy during the Legend Celtoberfest celebration (321 W. 7th St.). It’s like Oktoberfest with a wee bit of Irish added for flavor. Admission is free.

3. Watch TV. If socializing and running seem like too much work, it’s perfectly acceptable to stay home and drink. While you’re sitting there on the couch, why not indulge in a weekend sampling of German and beer-related films. To make things more interesting, each film has its own drinking rules. Enjoy.
“Strange Brew"—Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis star as Bob and Doug McKenzie, a couple of hosers who stumble on a conspiracy at the Elsinore Brewery. Take a drink every time someone says “Eh?”
“Beerfest"—A couple of guys happen upon a “Fight Club” of beer-drinking during Oktoberfest in Germany. Take a drink every time someone takes a drink.
“Das Boot"—A moody and claustrophic German film about a World War II U-boat crew. Take a drink every time someone looks sad.

4. Chow down. In addition to copious amounts of brew, Oktoberfest celebrants also consume large quantities of food. You can celebrate by gorging on traditional German fare such as sausage, käsespätzle (cheese noodles) and sauerkraut. But why stop there? To be truly authentic, add some roast ox tails, wedding soup with liver dumplings, hand-cheese, pork stomach, blood sausage and “Gentleman Cream.” You can find some good eats at the St. Benedict Oktoberfest (300 North Sheppard St.) on Friday and Saturday.
http://www.stbenedictoktoberfest.com

5. Wait a month. The big, semi-official Richmond Oktoberfest celebration happens on October 26 and 27 from 6pm to midnight at the Showplace in Mechanicsville (3000 Mechanicsville Turnpike). The event features a full line-up of German-Bavarian flavored entertainment, including music from the ACCA Shrine Sauerkraut Band (who I hear were kicked off this year’s Ozzfest for being too rowdy). http://www.richmondoktoberfest.com

6. Live like a German. What’s that? You aren’t interested in gorging yourself on sausages and beer? Allergic to polkas? No problem. You can still celebrate Oktoberfest by pretending to be German. Trust us… it will be tons of fun. First, sit up straight. There’ll be no more of this slacker American slouching and sloppiness. Germans are orderly and disciplined. Second, get yourself some lederhosen (aka leather short pants) and suspenders. If you are female, get some lady lederhosen. Third, you must only listen to music by Kraftwerk, the Scorpions and Rammstein. Fourth, get a BMW. And finally, speak German. If you don’t know German, just clear your throat and cough a lot and people will think you’re speaking German. Keep this up for two weeks. Happy Oktoberfest!

How to Speak Oktoberfest

Every activity has its own lingo. Drinking large amounts of ridiculously good beer is no exception. We are here for you leibchen (sweetheart, darling), some Oktoberfest lingo to guide you on your weaving way.

When you hear “O’zapft is” (it is tapped)—traditionally shouted by the Mayor of Munich when the first keg has been tapped—grab your stein and get in line. Avoid Gschwoabats or Gsöff, which is beer not brewed to the strict Bavarian purity standards. Be sure to bring plenty of diridari (money). If you find yourself eihebn (tipsy), and begin to obandeln (to flirt, mostly with one explicit intention) with a fraulein (an unmarried woman) with Gaudinockerln (luxuriant breasts), beware of moosbummerl (hillbilly, redneck) or Rauschada (a drunk). They might challenge you to a maßkruagstemma (a contest where the contestant must hold a full beer stein with straight arms; whoever carries the beer the longest wins). Not being damish (crazy, stupid), however, you feel it’s better to oabischwoam (solve a fight through drinking rather than with fists). At this point, you might want to aufstöin (to donate, or buy, a beer) for your new spezi (friend). After so many maß (one liter beers), you will need to look for the ausgang (exit) to bielseln (take a leak). You certainly would not want to become a bierleichen (literally ‘beercorpses,’ or those who need medical attention), or worse, end up in Café Viereck (the slammer). Viel gluck and Prost!—Greg Hershey

Re: No 6: What!! Are you damish? No “2 Raum Wohnung”??? How could you leave this group out of your list? I insist you reprint this article with the group listed!