CD | THIRD
Portishead / Mercury
Honestly, I take one bleedin’ week off and I’m suddenly hit left and right with great, great stuff that I can’t tell you guys about. Where were you four months ago, Magnum PR? When I had absolutely no material and was reduced to writing about GODDAMN POLITICS? But you know what? All is forgiven. Thanks to you, I have Portishead’s first studio release in 11 years in my grubby little hands. Everyone and their mothers have already run reviews on this disc, so you know it’s solid gold. Ignore Rolling Stone’s 3-and-a-half star rating; they’re just a bunch of irrelevant old farts suffering from ED. This album is pure, pure sex, folks—dirty, filthy sex in a smoky motel room that leaves you feeling guilty afterwards. Grab a smoke and get ready for a helluva ride.

CD | MATHS + ENGLISH
Dizzee Rascal / Def muddafuggin’ Jux, bitches!
Jesus bloody Christ on a shiny pole, it’s been months since I got a decent hip-hop disc in my mailbox. But El-P and Def Jux have come through, with a proper stateside release of Dizzee Rascal’s spectacular sophomore album. For the true hip-hop heads that have been listening to this CD for the past year, give it a second go for the U.S. exclusive bonus tracks. And for those new to the party, all you have to know is that this is the most exciting hip-hop album since Funcrusher Plus revolutionized the underground.

DVD | TEETH
Mitchell Lichtenstein / Weinstein Company
So much potential. So much wasted talent. There’s a lot of grim comedic gold to be mined from the Vagina Dentata myth, but Lichtenstein’s clumsy handling is no better than a middle-schooler who just got to third base. There’s no wit or energy in this film, as it’s dragged down by its own slightly pretentious earnestness. Lichtenstein wants us to know that HE’S MAKING SOME VERY IMPORTANT POINTS, but he’s putting us to sleep in the process. Simply put: this film is a disappointing failure.

BOOK | ALL THE SAD YOUNG LITERARY MEN
Keith Gessen / Viking Adult
It can’t be all flowers and sunshine this week, folks. If Gessen’s name doesn’t sound familiar, do yourself a favor and don’t look it up. All you need to know is that he’s a bit like Dave Eggers—except with half the talent, twice the pomposity, and absolutely no sense of humor. By all means, read the novel if your idea of a good time involves an Ivory Tower elitist prick masturbating wildly into your eye.

COMIC | WILLIE & JOE: THE WWII YEARS
Bill Mauldin / Todd DePastino / Fantagraphics
You know Mauldin’s work, even if you don’t know the name. Every single political cartoonist for the past sixty years has been ceaselessly trying to copy his style, although most of them fail miserably in the process. His soldiers are neither numbers nor heroes; instead, they’re deeply likable and occasionally flawed people. And in-between the lines in this collection is the most vivid account of World War II ever set to pen and print. Highly recommended.