DVD | THE MACHINE GIRL
Noboru Iguchi / Tokyo Shock
Oh, God bless the Japanese. Only they could have released something this incredibly awesome. Here’s the short version: a young Japanese school girl with a chain gun for an arm is out for revenge against the Ninja-Yakuza clan that killed her brother. Hilarious mayhem ensues, as she carves a bloody path across modern Japan in the most ludicrously violent scenes ever set to film. Heads explode, limbs go flying, and someone gets impaled by a battery-powered drill-bit brassiere.  Seriously: the only way this movie could get any better is if it came with a call girl and some blow. I’m so happy Christmas came early this year!

CD | VEXILLE
Fumihiko Hori / Funimation
This is straight-up geek porn, catering to the kind of folks who thought that the best part of the Iron Man movie were all the neat toys that Downey got to play with. The film is a stunning and beautiful blend of cel-shading, CGI and traditional animation, but the plot drowns under its own ponderous tech fetishism, sinking faster than a fat man treading in pig shit.

Book | THIS IS NOT THE WORLD
The Futureheads / Megaforce
Well, bloody hell. I fully expected to hate this album, but I’m totally digging its C86 sensibilities. It’s a wonderful throwback to the tweeish bits of early 80s Britpop, when girls were boys and boys were skinny asexual freaks with all the fashion sense of a blind granny stumbling through a French whorehouse. This is everything that the new Wedding Present album should have been. I hope you took some notes, Gedge.

Polictics | DIARY OF A BLOOD DONOR
Mati Unt / Dalkey Archive
Living in the former Eastern Bloc apparently inspires some great writing, because the ex-Soviets shit great writers like they’ve been snacking on a particularly fetid bit of Dostoevsky’s corpse. This terribly amusing tale is a strange little parable about Soviet nationalism, disguised as a re-interpretation of Stoker’s Dracula and channeled through the particular absurdities of Estonia in the mid ’80s. A must read.

CD | TRICKY DICKY VISITS RICHMOND!
Ooh, Herr Fuhrer took the time to visit our little ol’ town! Aren’t we special? While I could devote a few dozen pages to his delusional rhetoric, I will only focus on one infuriating tidbit. The key to lowering gas prices is not by drilling more holes stateside. Gas only seems expensive because the dollar is worth less than a cum rag in a porn shop. And whose fault is that? Hmmm, I wonder? Fuck it, I’m moving to Canada.

CD | 13 BLUES FOR THIRTEEN MOONS
Thee Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra
and Tra-La-La Band / Constellation
I have a love/hate relationship with this act. On one hand, they’re composed of former GY!BE members, and they’re perfectly capable of producing some gloriously beautiful moments. On the other hand, they have a preciously pretentious name, and their albums are generally full of unbearable filler that likes to dawdle like an incontinent old man suffering from Alzheimer’s. This is more of the same. Take that how you will.

CD | ARM’S WAY
Islands / Anti
I’m glad to see that the Canadians are continuing their proud tradition of having way too many people in a band that clearly does not require it. This act has a great pedigree (featuring two-thirds of the spectacular ADD pop outfit Unicorns); it’s too bad they’re just peddling half-assed 80s synth-pop. Recommended only for folks who enjoyed getting their ears raped by the last Stars turd-fest.

CD | RE-ARRANGE US
Mates of State / Barsuk
Is anyone else a tad freaked out by the husband-wife team of Gardner and Hammel? I mean, I guess it’s sweet and all, but there’s something strangely disconcerting about their whole stage schtick, wherein they stare lovingly into each others’ eyes the entire time. Creepiness aside, though, the new album’s a lovely bit of exuberant Spector-esque ’60s pop. Worth a spin if you’re not at risk for diabetes.

CD | THE RED ALBUM
Weezer / Geffen
This is just sad. Instead of giving a big hearty middle finger to all the fans and naysayers, Cuomos is trying to recapture the magic of the very first Weezer album—and failing miserably in the process. He was a much better songwriter when he was penning ditties about sniffing cocaine off of a naked underage Asian girl’s breasts. Someone get this man a 14-year-old Chinese girl, stat!

CD | SONGS IN A & E
Spiritualized / Fontana Universal
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Pierce was once known for his mind-blistering noise-pop clusterfucks, creating the perfect soundtrack for lazy Sundays spent with pharmaceuticals and alcohol. So it’s a goddamn shame that he’s still on the gospel/blues tip he’s been sucking on since Amazing Grace. We still love you, Spaceman; come back to us and we’ll totally forgive you for trying to be like Moby.

“On the other hand, they have a preciously pretentious name”

Les Enfants Terribles?

C’mon!

Jacob, I’ve wanted to check out The Machine Girl since I first learned of its theatrical release in Play magazine months ago.  As I’ve said many times, no country has a lock on gratuitously bloody movie violence like Japan, and that includes the U.S.

Many Americans will compare Machine Girl’s concept to the one found in Robert Rodriguez’ Planet Terror, but the concept reminds me a lot more of Dororo, an anime by the creators of Astro Boy about a samurai who has his limbs and other body parts replaced with weapons.  Now that I’ve read your review, I will track this movie to the ends of the earth just get a copy on DVD. 

Also, ‘tis a pleasure to work alongside you, sir, although we’ve never met.