The printed word is dead, or at least on life support, because thanks to Steve Jobs and friends you can now bypass your eyes altogether and shove words directly into your ears. Don’t try forcing this copy of Brick into those holes in the side of your head though. You won’t hear anything and you’ll probably do some damage. Read this guide to film related podcasts instead.

Mark Kermode’s Film Reviews
Mark Kermode is the BBC’s go-to film expert and Simon Mayo is the BBC’s “I’ll host anything” anchorman, so the two are teamed up for what Wikipedia describes as “a dog and bitch” routine. Not entirely sure what that means but it sounds about right. Kermode’s knowledge goes beyond encyclopedic and into supergeek, his nerdy know-all-ness making for some insightful reviews. He’s especially entertaining when in attack mode, even more so when deriding his know-nothing host. The downside is his rockabilly quiff. You can’t really hear it on the podcast, but it’s still annoying.
Sample quote: “When he’s good, he’s good. When he’s bad, he’s Richard Gere.”
www.bbc.co.uk/fivelive/entertainment/kermode.shtml

Filmspotting
Adam Kempenaar and Sam Van Hallgren’s show appears on Chicago Public Radio, and it’s like listening to two of your buddies discuss movies… if your buddies were good-natured, funny, informative types. Regular features and some high profile interviews distinguish “Filmspotting” from all the other “two dudes talking about movies and stuff” podcasts. Every week they do a themed “Top Five” then complain about and/or compliment each other’s selections, and when they disagree about a review (as they did with “300” ) it leads to a proper debate with valid points and everything.
Sample Quote: “Some people may think that’s great ‘cus it looks like a comic book, but I don’t go to films to look at a comic book on the screen.”
www.filmspotting.net

The Movie Blog: Uncut
This Canadian podcast from the influential website is labeled “uncut” for a reason. John Campea is nice and reasonable, but co-host Doug Nagy is a frothing cauldron of four letter words. Some of Nagy’s X-rated rants are Oscar worthy in their ferocity, with only Campea keeping him on the reservation. The show’s also streamed live online so listeners can call in and further agitate Nagy. On the downside, callers often have names like “HammerGod” and “Shnugens.” Canadians are weird.
Sample quote: “I am not going to go see this movie. I will not even grace it with a bad review. It can go f*ck itself. Seriously.”
www.themovieblog.com

The Weekly Blend
Recorded in Roanoke, VA, the oddly monikered Rafe Telsch and the more normally named Margaret Williams are everything that’s right about male-female co-presenters. They warm up with a few minutes of newsy chit-chat, then bicker about movies in that good-natured, non-married way that’s fun to listen to. Frequent topics include Telsch’s appreciation of Nicolas Cage’s oeuvre, and Williams’ disbelief of said appreciation.
Sample quote: “I’m sure fans will disagree, but I think ‘Grindhouse’ can officially be considered a flop having been defeated at the box-office by ‘Are We Done Yet?’”
www.cinemablend.com/podcast

Cinemaslave
Joe Barlow (the self-styled cinema slave) has one of those soothing voices that’s perfect for falling asleep to. Rather than the usual news and reviews or buddy banter, Barlow focuses on something random instead, like the early works of David Lynch. His soothing tones almost take the creepiness out of “Eraserhead,” but only almost. Friendly features like “What Joe’s Been Watching” add to the laid-back neighborhoody feel, and Joe is clearly a very nice man, but he’d definitely benefit from sharing his mic with someone more lively.
Sample quote: “What did she pick for us to watch? “Click” and “The Hot Chick.” Yes. Once again Joe lets his wife pick the films and once again Joe considers divorce. Ha, ha. No, not really.”
www.cinemaslave.com

NPR: Movies
Does exactly what it says on the can, culling all the film reviews from various NPR programs and dropping them into one handy podcast. The infamous “NPR voice” prevails, so don’t expect any oral fireworks or entertaining rants, but bet your last dollar on considered, informative reviews that occasionally address wider social issues, then take that money to the bank. Or just listen to the podcast.
Sample quote: “This is NPR Movies, where you’ll hear stories about movies…”
www.npr.com/movies

New York Times Movie Review
The NYT’s film critics A.O. Scott and Stephen Holden take it in turns to read their printed reviews into a microphone, with very little enthusiasm. The reviews are well written as always, and it’s funny to hear all the office noise in the background as each review is obviously recorded at the writers’ desks, but this is a podcast in name only. It has no pulse, and - unlike the printed word – you can’t use it in your cat litter box afterwards (unless you want to ruin your iPod.)
Sample quote: “For The New York Times, this is A.O. Scott. Click.”
www.nytimes.com/ref/multimedia/podcasts

I thought Click was a fun movie. Now Joe will really consider divorce.  Did you listen to our Oscar show?