Holy Day-Planner! This weekend is a whopper. Now that Autumn has officially shown up for the party, the city is kicking into full FUN mode. But having too many choices can present its own dilemmas. Take Saturday: I do not envy all of the gay Italian-American punk rockers who love alpacas. They have some hard choices ahead of them.

Enough chatter! Without further ado, here are some things to a do.

Thursday 9.27

It’s State Fair of Virginia time again, folks. And as much as we want to make jokes about racing pigs and how hard it is to tell contestants from audience members at livestock competitions… we aren’t going to go there. We’ll take the high road for now. Get yourself out to the Richmond Raceway Complex: play some games, pet a Carny and eat food on a stick. It’s your duty as an American. If we don’t eat funnel cake… the terrorists win. Open 10am to 9pm daily. (804)569.3200. http://www.statefairva.org

Are you tired of whining to yourself about Downtown Richmond? Join others and whine in public! The Downtown Master Plan Update will be held from 6:30pm–9pm at The Renaissance Conference Center (107 W. Broad St.). This is a follow-up to the July planning sessions. Perhaps this is when they finally break the news that none of what was proposed is economically feasible and the city has decided to convert downtown in a theme park called Urban-Land. You know I’ll be first in line for the City Council Coaster (no twists and turns, just a slow backward ride) and the Shockoe Rocket (a harrowing ride over cobblestones and crack pipes, dodging projectile vomit and AK-47 rounds).

If you’re miserable and looking for a depressing place to drink the pain away, why not pop in during the Poe Museum’s Unhappy Hour? Music comes courtesy of folk acoustic group Trilobita and the wine tasting is compliments of Heritage Wines. Your misery can find company between 6pm-9pm at the Edgar Allan Poe Museum (1914 E. Main St.). Admission is free, bring money for drinks. And please note: this is the last gathering of the season… just another reason to be bummed out.

Ground Zero Dance presents “Symbiosis,” a modern dance interpretation of “passion, dysfunction and loss.” The performance features work by Richmond choreographers Rob Petres, Kat Legault, Pam England, and Damion Bond. Special guest choreographer Maria Bauman also contributes. Performances run tonight, Friday and Saturday at 8pm. $10-$15. At the Grace Street Theater (934 W. Grace St.). http://www.groundzerodance.org

Friday 9.28

If you want a feel good flick, go see “Ratatouille.” If you want thoughtful, moving and slightly downbeat foreign cinema… follow that 18-year-old kid in the Land Rover. The University of Richmond International Film Festival kicks off with a screening of “Grbavica: The Land of My Dreams” at 3pm and 7:30pm in Room 118 of Jepson Hall. The film repeats on Sunday at 7:30pm. http://www.library.richmond.edu

Saturday 9.29

If you like cannolis and chest hair, you’ll want to be at the Richmond’s Original Italian Street Festival from 11am–8pm in Church Hill (the Festival also runs from 11am-6pm on Sunday). Admission is free and the corner of 25th Street and East Broad will be filled with the smells of calzones, pizza and pasta. There will also be cultural displays, dancing and a pizza tossing competition. Sadly, meatball fights are discouraged. http://www.richmonditalianfestival.com

They’ll be here and odds are… they’ll be queer. The open-air celebration known as the Virginia Gay Pride Festival will commence at noon and go until 6pm in the streets surrounding the 17th Street Farmers Market (17th and E. Main Sts.). The event is free. Entertainment will be provided by Coco Peru, musicians Eric Himan and Adam Joseph as well as the inevitable throng of narrow-minded, protesting douchebags. http://www.gaypridevirginia.org

You like to rock the party? Then the folks at RVA Magazine have something for you: the first Fist City Fury Music Festival invades Toad’s Place with live music inside and outside on the Canal Walk stage (see page 11 for more info). Doors open at 2pm. $10 in advance, $15 day of the show. For all ages.

Mike Sager has been called “the beat poet of American journalism.” The Writer-At-Large for Esquire will be at Fountain Bookstore (1312 E. Cary St.) at 7pm reading from his new book “Revenge of the Donut Boys,” which includes stories about Roseanne Barr, swingers and Mike Ditka. Eww. http://www.mikesager.com

If you have the energy, try to make it to National Alpaca Farm Day. Immerse yourself in all things alpaca from 10am-2pm on Friday and Saturday at Double JJ Alpacas,12480 Tower Hill Road in Midland. http://www.alpacafarmday.com